


the weirdest of dreams

by hailingstars



Series: unbelievably unlikely (febuwhump 2020) [14]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brain Damage, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Acts Like a Spider, Peter wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, another ridiculous fic, febuwhump 2020, maybe one day I will write something whumpy again lmao, or at least the wrong side of his dna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22755841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hailingstars/pseuds/hailingstars
Summary: “Pete, your legs are still there,” said Tony. He gave his knee a pat under the hospital blanket. Whatever pain drugs they were giving him, it must’ve been the good stuff.“No my other legs. I should have four more.”“Kid, is this a joke? Some kind of gen z humor I don’t really understand?”Peter didn’t answer. His fingers were in his mouth, tracing over his teeth.“Why aren’t my teeth pointy? What have you done with my fangs?”“You’re not an actual spider, Pete,” said Tony, concern drenching his voice. He reached out, hoping to provide some comfort with a hand on his shoulder, but Peter flinched away and hissed. “Now that’s just uncalled for.”ORPeter bumps his head on a mission, and when he wakes up, thinks he's a spider.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: unbelievably unlikely (febuwhump 2020) [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619662
Comments: 65
Kudos: 803
Collections: MCU Stories





	the weirdest of dreams

Tony hated to see it.

He’d never get used to the sight of Peter Parker, lying unconscious in a hospital. This time he had bandages wrapped around his head, and no matter what the injuries were, no matter how bad or mild they were, they always brought the same kind of guilt.

Pete was too young. Too fragile. And it was Tony’s fault he was here, tangled up with the Avenger’s and risking his life.

Tony hadn’t been there when Pete hit his head. Sam had told him he’d been swinging after their bad guy of the day – Peter’s words not Tony’s – and had distracted himself with his own banter. He faceplanted into the side of a building, and his head smacking the concrete at a speed Tony didn’t want to think about.

Hulk had been there to break his fall, catching him before he could hit his head again, against the ground. He’d handed him off to Tony, who gently flew him to the Medbay at the Tower.

The staff had gotten to work on him immediately, and once they were done, said he’d be fine, when he woke up, but Tony’s nerves wouldn’t let him rest until he knew for sure Peter was okay.

Finally, Peter began to stir, began shifting around under the covers. He blinked open his eyes and tried to sit up, but Tony gently pushed him back on the bed.

“Mr. ‘tark?” he asked. “What happened?”

Tony figured he better save his joke about insects flying into the sides of buildings for later. “Took a pretty hard hit.”

Peter continued moving around, continued to get reoriented to the world around him. He patted around under the blanket around him, his breath hitching fast, the sure sign of an on-coming panic attack.

“What happened to my legs?”

“Pete, your legs are still there,” said Tony. He gave his knee a pat under the hospital blanket. Whatever pain drugs they were giving him, it must’ve been the good stuff.

“No my _other_ legs. I should have four more.”

“Kid, is this a joke? Some kind of gen z humor I don’t really understand?”

Peter didn’t answer. His fingers were in his mouth, tracing over his teeth.

“Why aren’t my teeth pointy? What have you done with my fangs?”

“You’re not an actual spider, Pete,” said Tony, concern drenching his voice. He reached out, hoping to provide some comfort with a hand on his shoulder, but Peter flinched away and hissed. “Now that’s just uncalled for.” 

Peter glared at him. Even when he was in the middle of thinking he was a spider, and mad at him for stealing his fangs, he was adorable as hell. Tony reached out again, hoping he could calm him down, but instead of hissing, this time Peter snapped at him, attempting to bite him.

“Hey!”

Peter leaped up from the bed, the blanket flying off him as he attached himself to the ceiling, hanging upside down.

“Peter…” said Tony. “Please come down from the ceiling.”

He hissed at him again and crawled to a space on the ceiling further away from Tony and into a corner.

Tony tried to remain calm. He had no idea what crawling around upside down on the ceiling would do to a boy who had a concussion, but he suspected it wasn’t good. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a broom standing against the wall near the door. He shook away the idea as soon as it entered his head.

The last thing he wanted was more hissing and more biting.

“If you come down,” started Tony, making his voice as light as possible. “I’ll show you where we keep the flies.”

Peter glared at him, but Tony took the lack of hissing as a positive.

“Give my fangs back and we’ll talk.”

Tony released a deep sigh, wavering between panic and the sheer absurdity that was his world. Out of all the teenagers in Queens, out of all the teenagers he could’ve met and mentored, he just _had_ to chose the spider-child. 

*

Tony decided waiting Peter out was his best option. He couldn’t stay up on the ceiling all day, and he suspected he wouldn’t always think he was a spider, so he got a chair, sat in it the middle of the room, and stared up at Peter and the ceiling he clung to, waiting for him to realize he was human.

The stare down was still happening when Rhodey wondered into the room, stood next to Tony, and looked up at the ceiling where Peter was perched.

“How’d the rest of the mission go?” asked Tony.

“You know the drill,” said Rhodey. “Took a few hits. Cap reprimanded us about our language, but the bad guy was put away at the end…. Hey, why is Peter on the ceiling?”

“He won’t come down,” Tony informed him, like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Thinks he’s an actual spider.”

“Well get a damn broom.”

“I actually wouldn’t recommend it.”

Rhodey’s eyes traveled to the broom sitting up against the wall and before Tony knew it, Bucky was in the room and Rhodey was explaining the situation to him. Bucky looked at the broom, looked at Peter, then sprung into action.

With his metal hand gripped over the broom handle, he stepped forward, directly under where Peter was crouched on the ceiling, and smacked him with the end of the broom. Peter hissed. Bucky smacked him with it again.

That’s when Tony witnessed one of the oddest things he’d seen in his entire life. Peter dropped from the ceiling at the same time Bucky swung the broom a third time. The spider possessed child grabbed the handle, snapped the broom in two, and bit Bucky’s metal arms, before darting past Rhodey and Tony to escape the Medbay room.

“What the hell man,” muttered Bucky, rubbing his metal arm with his flesh arm. He wore a horrified expression as he held it up for them to see. “He left bite marks.”

Rhodey let out a long whistle, and Tony raised an eyebrow.

“I told you I wouldn’t recommend it.”

*

Tony wore his Iron Man armor, as he crept through the darkened halls of Avenger’s tower, stuck between Rhodey and Bucky as they took Friday’s directions, searching for Peter Parker.

“Can spiders see in the dark?” asked Bucky.

Tony let out a sigh. “Why would it matter? He’s not actually a spider.”

“Still creepy like one,” said Bucky. He rubbed his metal arm absentmindedly.

Tony rubbed his forehead, tried to take deep breaths, and wished Peter was back in his bed, safe and no longer believing he was meant to have fangs and eight legs. When that happened, if that ever happened, Tony was never going to let him live this down.

“Look,” said Rhodey, pointing at the walls, which were covered in fancy webs.

Webs that displayed pictures.

“He must’ve found his web-shooters.”

The three of them stopped to admire the artwork. One of the webs looked suspiciously like Iron Man eating a pizza, with a spider sitting on his arm.

“I had no idea he was this artistic,” said Tony.

“We must be getting closer,” whispered Rhodey. “Let’s follow the webs.”

Tony rolled his eyes, at the pure nonsense spitting out of his friend’s mouth, but followed the webs with both him and Bucky all the same, followed them all the way into the gym.

Of course Peter would go into the gym, Tony thought. It was the largest room in Avenger’s Tower, and also, had the highest ceiling.

Slowly, carefully, and as quietly as they could, the three entered the gym, looking around in every direction as they did.

“We’ll never find him in here.”

Just then, Nat walked in behind them with a jar of flies. A million questions hit Tony’s mind, like where did Nat get a jar of flies? And that fast, but he shook it off. It wasn’t anymore weird than his entire situation. she went into the middle of the gym and opened the jar. Flies flew everything, and Peter leapt off the ceiling in pursuit of one.

Tony lifted a gun loaded with tranquilizers, took aim, and shot Peter just as he was catching a fly with his web. He caught him before he hit the ground, then looked at Nat.

“A jar of flies? Really?”

Nat shrugged, and Tony walked off, carrying Peter fireman style back to his hospital bed.

“Think he’ll wake up human next time?” asked Bucky.

“It’s Peter,” said Tony. “The best we can hope for is… just not as spidery.”

*

Once again, Tony hated to see it, Peter Parker lying in a hospital bed, and this time, it had literally been his fault. That time when his eyes started to flutter open, Tony braced himself and hoped Peter was back to himself.

“Mr. Stark,” he said. “I had the weirdest dream.”

“Love to break it to you, kid,” said Tony. “But it wasn’t a dream.”

Peter frowned and his forehead creased. “I’m pretty sure it was a dream. You fired me and then I accidentally turned you into a pigeon, but then we became spy buddies, so it was okay.”

“Okay,” said Tony, a little worried about the imagination on that kid. “ _That_ was a dream. Have any other weird dreams?”

Tony watched Peter think, then watched the realization, then the horror spread across his face.

“Nooooooooo,” said Peter. “That was real?”

“Afraid so.”

“I thought I was having a nightmare…” he trailed off, then looked Tony straight in the face. “Thanks for not letting me eat a fly, Mr. Stark.”

“I would never forgive myself if I had.”

Peter laughed, one of the most amazing sounds Tony had heard, and suggested they get some food because he was starving.

Just an hour later they’re both lying on the bed in the Medbay room, with Tony’s laptop sitting on their legs, an empty pizza box on the bedside table and a movie playing on the screen. Peter’s head was against his shoulder, and Tony was filled with contentment, knowing his boy was safe.

It took Tony a few minutes to realize the noise he was hearing, the noise he usually associated with cats, was actually coming from Peter.

“Kid… are you _purring_?”

“Yeah,” said Peter, like it wasn’t in the realm of absurdity. “It’s a spider thing.”

“That’s a new one.”

Peter shrugged as Tony put his arms around him. “Guess I’m a lot more spidery than you thought.”

Tony nodded his head slowly, thinking that, after today, he wouldn’t likely be forgetting Peter’s spider-ness anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this nonsense lmao !!! and frostysunflowers for helping me think of ideas for this fic!! I don't think I would've gone ahead and written this without Cleo's help! 
> 
> I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend! 
> 
> kudos and/or comments let me know what you think!! 
> 
> [or yell at me on tumblr](https://hailing-stars.tumblr.com)


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